My motto on this blog and in my life, has been,
~ Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass ... It's about learning to dance in the rain ~
~ Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass ... It's about learning to dance in the rain ~
"One of the Happier Moments - Hubby and Izzy"
The last several weeks .... months.... have been a balancing act to say the least. Giving where I could and taking time where I was given leave to do so, it all came crashing down on June 2, when my best friend, lover, and husband of 32+ yrs, lost his desire to cope with the pain from past cancers, advancing fibromialgia, being over-medicated to numb the pain, the daily struggle of a very negative work environment, and loss of strength to do simple things; and decided his own fate. My heart has been broken, not by my husband , but by the situation. Only the prayers and kind support of friends, neighbors, and relatives have enabled me to carry on.
Life is not always pretty..... But the choices we make are ours alone. I choose to remember the love between us and the wonderful times we had, especially the last 2 weeks together. We have been blessed to have experienced so much. With his passing, I now have choices to make.....
Will I keep my desire to dance, in spite of the storms? Will I strive to push on, pursing my hearts desire to become the best painter I can be? I believe I must, for the desire is still within me. I believe talents are God-given, and should not be buried. At times I am afraid to pick up a brush, wondering if, because I am not "feeling" much right now, that the painting would come through lifeless. I think I must make myself start.... and leave the results to my Lord and Savior.
I have written this to let my friends and followers know why I have not posted in so long. Also if anyone else has experienced similar situation, maybe it would help if you could email me privately with encouragement. You will find my email under my profile. Thanks in advance for any prayers you would like to offer.
17 comments:
Sonny, I am so sorry. I cannot imagine the pain and the shock. We are still reeling ourselves from our precious daughter's passing after her 7 1/2 mo struggle with stage IV lung cancer a month ago today.
Be assured you will be not only in our thoughts but in our prayers as you come to grips with this stage of your life. You have a wonderful attitude and we know we serve a great God. May Jesus comfort you.
((hugs))
Susan
Oh Sunny, I'm SO sorry about your dear husband. No one knows what they will do unless they are in that position. My heart breaks for you, my friend. I'm keeping you in my thoughts and prayers and will email you. In His love, Vickie
Sunny, I am so sorry for your loss. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. (((((hugs)))))
Heidi
I am so very sorry to read this Sunny..
Sometimes a person in pain, cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel, all's they see and feel is the pain.
Your loved one is no longer hurting, he will be at peace.
I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers during this painful time.
{Hugs}
Jo
I Hope You Dance........ I cant even try to understand what you are goin through. I'll pray God sends you peace.
Sorry to hear for the loss Sunny.May god give you the courage to come up strong and comfort you.You will be in my prayers and thoughts.
Oh Sunny, I am so so sorry, my heart aches for you. Just take things slow, one day at a time and do what you can. Focus on the happy times and the love you shared. Hugs
Dear Sunny, I am so sorry for your loss, I have just now found this out.....words seem to elude me, I will be praying for you.
Much love, Sue
Oh Sunny, I am so very sorry to read of your loss. Please know you and your family are being lifted in prayer.
Sunny,
I didn't see this until today. No amount of words can make you feel better. I believe it is amazing that you chose to remember the good times and the blessing you've had - often it is easy to fall into a pit and wallow there a good long while.
You are in my thoughts.
You are my sunshine Dad. And you made us proud - every day. I love you.
Sunny, I can't even begin to imagine what you are going thru...but I do somewhat understand your husband....I have stage 4 metastatic breast cancer so I can relate. Every day we have to make the decision to get out of bed and go from there. It's more difficult for some than others...I've been fighting my battle for just over a year now and am thankful for every day, every hour and every moment I have. I think what you are doing is wonderful and I truly applaud you for taking that first step of the rest of your life. Life is for the living I've heard and we must do it while we can. Thank you for allowing us to follow along with you. I've read most of your posts and will finish the balance tomorrow. Time for bed now. Take care and God bless you.
Hi Sunny, I joined into your site yesterday. Then this morning, I decided to come over & look at your paintings - beautiful!
But I also wanted to extend my condolences onto you. You never know what life will present. I try to take each day & find beauty in it. I am so very sorry for your loss...some days it's hard to move on, but I know you've found the strength to do so. Blessings & prayers sent to your husband's soul.
Sunny...I'm sorry for seeing this so late.
But I felt I must write you to say I lost my wife-the love of my life- in 2004.
It knocked me to my knees...which is a good position from which to pray.
I wrapped myself in the memories of good times and painted like crazy.
I soon saw a new quality in my paintings. Someone commented that she WAS IN the painting...she WAS the light. And I really felt this was a fact.
My humble advice to you...Dance...Paint...Look for him to be IN your new paintings.
God Bless
Being new to your blog, I had to do a little digging, but I finally found this. Like tumblers falling into place on a safe, everything became much clearer. I guess the old saying that we know things when we're supposed to is true and now my heart goes out in full to you. I particularly relate to what you said about how dehabilitating the pain killers your husband was on were and will share that another time. For now I just bow my head. God bless you.
Sunny, I saw your Facebook posting and then found your blog. I am sooo deeply sorry. I have known unbearable pains as have family members and I truly understand how it is possible for someone to 'decide their own fate' as you say. But oh my goodness, you are still here and left behind and that must be such a challenge. I know he loved you and you loved him. I pray that the love and the good memories will sustain you during this bereavement and transition into such a new life. Many blessings are being sent your way, today!!!
Sonny, I am so sorry for the loss of your husband. I cant imagine how much you have gone thru but I can see that God was with you both every step of the way.
Your post was Beautiful and I do think God gave you a gift. I would encourage you to paint your heart out. You are very talented.
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